Spirituality of the Readings
How to Love
I don’t know if you have read the book, Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff (and it’s all small stuff) by Richard Carlson. It offers advice and examples as to how we can live a loving and (more) peaceful life.
Are you interested?
One chapter shows us a way to be patient rather than upset when someone else does an annoying thing. For instance, if a car swerves in front of you, instead of your asking, “why in the ‘%$#’ did he do that?” ask the question, “what is he trying to teach me?” It is like a game in which everyone is wise and you want to learn.*
This new attitude can be helpful. Honestly, it softened my attitude and awakened some compassion. A Ford went through a very narrow opening behind a truck and careened into my lane with only several inches to spare. So I tried the method. Instead of leaning on the horn and exercising road-rage, I imagined asking the person who swerved what I was supposed to learn. Richard Carlson answered, learn forgiveness.
Jesus lived before Carlson, of course, but as teacher, he had also suggested a big perspective change. In Sunday’s Gospel he describes people trying to bargain for everything—if someone loves you, only then do you agree to love them in return; if they run their cart over your flower-bed or nearly knock you out of their way, then you are angry and substitute bad feelings for love. After all, who could be nice to a robber in their act of overpowering you?
Jesus recommends the opposite. “Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.” Don’t ask for anything in return.
Ulp.
How can we “love without return?” Or, how can we “lend money and expect nothing back”? If you get a reward for each thing you do, Jesus says, you are just like the pagans!
Ulp again. Is it even possible to just love and love and never get our own empty tank filled back up? Doesn’t that lead to burnout?
Yes.
But the wonderful clue to Jesus’ answer is found toward the bottom half of today’s reading. He says that if we can give without guile, then we will be like “children of the Most High,” who is always kind to the ungrateful and the wicked.
How can God be “always kind” to us? Is it because his own needs are already filled? Does God show tender love because the divine being does not need a reward! Such a love overflows to us as we are, no matter our actions. Maybe Jesus was a model of that same love, in the divine-human form.
If we see this, if we experience it—say, in the Sacraments, or in prayer, or in another person—and if we let it in, then maybe our need-tanks will not be so empty. Maybe we can (over and over) allow ourselves to be loved, and thus team with Christ and his Abba.
Are you someone who hears what he says?
Well that is surely a change in perspective.
John Foley, SJ
**From Saint Louis University